The spark within.

Sometimes we know not why we do

what makes our hearts beat

for certain reasons unfounded

and end up getting bruised ourselves

But many times we live for a spark within

the tingle which resonates with our souls

and believe it is what our lives is entangled with

giving nothing but all of ourselves

At times the world laughs at the foolishness

of what it caused one to be unexplained

And you left no words in heart to speak

except to whisper in silence knowingly,

"For you I will do. Because it's All for Love."

Chill.

6.45pm.
The Coffee Club.
Hazelnutella Milkshake.
With the little one.
Feeling the lull of Sunday evenings, despairing at the thought of Mondays looming by.
I'll miss that little rascal.

Fly away.

More often than not, I am melancholy and tend to brood. Whether incessantly, I try my best to stay relevant to the matters of the paradoxical world but most times, my common sense finds nowhere to park itself but to escape to the reelistic world.

Tonight, when the silver lining of the moon beams down softly and my mind caught the silence of solitude, this is the perfect time where i munch on sweet strawberries and let my heart write its unspoken poems, quiet thoughts, imaginative moments.

Most times, my mind leaves me dumbfounded when i look out in the endless sky, and my soul has this deep yearning to be curious and dream of places unknown where i wish i can just hop onto my Pegasus and fly.

Flying away to somewhere without burdensome pains, somewhere where i get to be myself without having to conform to people's opinions, where i can laugh simply, breathe happy, love deeply.

I miss being understood. I miss letting my mind wander to places where i can look so far away beyond the horizon and let my imagination run so wild.

Maybe it's time for a break again.

Just like the seashells. They'll never know where they'll end up.

I'll never know who I'll find.

Perhaps it's you I'll meet

With you I'll be.

All it takes is to fly.

Life and its lessons.

Recently, I have found out that I have yet to understand many basic truths about humankind. After going through the lowest lows and highest highs, I thought I have seen what i ought to see when it comes to complicated, paradoxical and ironic human behaviour. But alas, I am still that same naive, gullible, too good-seeking girl I was 10 years ago.

Sometimes, I blame no one but myself. I fail to see that there are indeed some humans here who can be worse than animals themselves, behavioural or not. I have no reserves in seeing good in people but there are some who will always have reserves about being good to people. Sometimes, I wonder if some of these people had experienced much pain in their past, that they can't bring themselves to bring good but pain to others as well.

Some says you are in control of your happiness. Whatever happens to you, you have a part to play in it. You have a say in what you do, what you think, what you want in order to gain this basic human emotion of being happy so as to survive another day in this treacheous world.

Some days, it could be as easy as looking up and admiring the cotton-like clouds above, appreciating wonders of nature and all of its simplicity. Other days, we may seek substantial methods to appease our self worth. Shopping does it for some people but a selective group of people, they crave happiness in the hypocritical sense that it pleases their inner soul when others crash, when others fall.

Fortunately, although I know I am very much insane, I am a good girl. I never meant evil upon anyone and curse them dead yet (perhaps only in fleeting moments when my blood pressure goes up). I love the people around me purely and they love me the same too. I have my close girlfriends whom I can hound when I need hugs, I have my family and loved ones who can accept me the demented way I am without compromise.

So I truly pity those who can only gain happiness when others are being hurt. I say a prayer for them, hoping that one day they will know how to seek the right way to happiness and soothe their sorry souls.

I am still learning. I will stop being naive, thinking everyone has a good heart and have no means to hurt me. I will have less expectations on people to be pure-hearted but convince myself that people essentially has a dark side after all. I will learn from my mistakes for being kind and perhaps this is the time, when my character builds; into something resilent, something unshakable.

Life gets interesting when we learn and maybe when the dramas in my life starts to unfold one by one, I might by then, finally understand us humans.

Amazing.


 

Tiredeedooroo.

I realised my writing hand had been in rust and suffering from bloglessness, i decided to take time off from maniac-working for once and indulge in something i love doing.

My convoluted brain is seriously cramped with ideas, strategies, planning, proposals and all those corporate gist.

I am so freaking tired.

Although i like to keep busy and have my integrity stamped on my hard-earned money, i am only just a humble simpleton whose braincells cannot match those of Einstein's and hell, i have the same 24 hours as everyone else and which i wish i have the power to stretch the elasticity of time but yes, i will just keep dreaming.

I have been sighing involuntarily recently and i think my soul is giving me a warning in advance.

This is the when i stop time in its tracks and let the world continue rotating without me while i observe and examine my quiet existence on earth so far. Am i already tired of life? The life which i was graciously given and the life which all of us have the desire to leave a legacy someday, narcisstic or not?

I paused. No, i am not tired of life. I love life. Its simplicity, its depth of emotions, its inspiring momentum. Perhaps its what we have to do in order to sustain this beautiful life which makes me tired.

Times like this, i wish i have the ability to teleport myself to any parts of this world, where i can regenerate my battered soul with genuine people, people whom i can learn from to be content and enjoy the awesome nature which my mind have so often imagined with lacklustre details.

I am so tempting myself again. Sigh.

Time to get back to reality. Bleh.