Cherish and breathe.

I do not know if this is really the season of deaths but it is indeed proving itself to be.

For the past 3 months, people around me have encountered deaths in their families or friends and i have been attending wakes so often till it scares me to receive msgs late in the night on my phone.

Explaining something about me is always complicated but i am gonna try.

I have morbid thoughts quite often. Thoughts that needs parental guidance when spoken but i will try to assure you that i am not psychotic... *ahem*.

BUT.. I feel emotions easily as well. Emotions when it comes to death. Maybe because i knew what it was like when i was 7. That was when Papa died.

There was once I attended a funeral of a 17 year old girl. I was only 14. I didn't know her but was going there to support my friend who knew her. And man... that day i surprised myself and my friend.

I cried buckets. Literally buckets. It was as if i was the late girl's best friend.

I cried maybe because i heard the wailing of her parents when the coffin was going through the incernarator. I cried hard maybe because i remembered how it feels when i was 7 and despite being young, I never shed a tear even though he was my dad. And it was perhaps coming all out. I really don't know why i cried.

It only made me realise more and more how precious or fragile a life can be. Especially now when I have attended these wakes recently.

Everyone knows death is inevitable. It may just be me lying motionless without breath tomorow, no one knows.

All we could do as mere mortals, is to embrace life fully for what it's worth. Dance like no one is looking, sing like no one can hear you and love like you have not been hurt before.

When we learn to give thanks for the little that we already have, it gives us the more we didn't know we do have.

Forget the pettys and cherish those who matters.

You will definitely breathe alot easier. :)

A New Begining.

Okay.  Big news.

Hmm. I have gotten a new job. 

It could very well be the job whom i have been searching for all these while; one which gives me that sense of fulfillment, the meaning which i needed for my isolated life.

Going from the advertising industry to the education field is seriously a big and scary move for me. After mxing much with creative people, working in a flexible and quirky evironment for so long, i am indeed afraid of not being able to fit into the corporate society again.

But sometimes in life, we learn to take that step of faith towards the unknown, knowing that even though there's no turning back, we will never be the same person again. 

As much as there might be a flurry of excitement towards the new begining for myself, there is indeed a very deep sense of loss and sadness when i think about the people I am going to leave behind.

It leaves me entangled emotionally.

The boys at work ain't making it easier for me either. Not expecting them to take my resignation so badly, seeing their gloom and sensing the air of sadness around makes the leaving even harder.

This past week has been tough enough. Sometimes, when i chance upon past memories which we had together as friends, as colleagues, a drop of tear threatens to fall but i kept it in to remain unaffected in front of those who are affected.

But as much as i wanna hide, it does affect me alot.

Because i treasure people very much. People whom are good to me, people whom believed me for who i am, people whom i dared to let down my guard a little.

Now that the inevitabe is coming, it's as if we are cherishing every moment i have left with them. It's like spending the last days with a terminally ill patient whom we know there's no other way but to accept what's to come. We start to let the minor stuff between us fade away and we focus on the intangible. We take life lighter and enjoy the ticking moments we still have as colleagues.

I know it sounds really over the top when they are just plainly colleagues but i guess i appreciate them alot more than others because simply the fact that they accept me as I am. They were there when i was going through my lowest and gave me the comfort when i least expected it.

I will indeed miss them so much. 

But i know life has many phases. My chapter with them at this point of time has reached its end and the only way to receive the new is, to let go of the old.

I will never forget you guys. Love.