Happy Birthday, little one.

Dearest Johnny Boy,

9 years ago, i was in a stark white place with white walls and white wearing people, writhing in pain and had fear whispering in my ear about what is to happen, waiting for an arrival that will change my life totally.

Today is your sweet birthday. The first which I won't be there to wish you. The first which I can't hold you and tell you how i never regretted having you.

I remember those early years, when it was just you and me, me with no one to count on but Him, and you with no one to depend on but me. Where you cling on to me for comfort, for joy, for love. I remember the times when you nestled in my arms, as i gaze into your sleeping eyes and thank God that you are so beautiful.

One day when you get to read this, know that i am sorry. Forgive me for what has happened. For putting you through all this and in the end, the one who ends up hurting the most is you. I am sorry that i can't give you the answers you wanted when you had those questions burning in your heart.

Forgive me, John. Forgive mummy for what she has failed. No matter what others said about me to you, you must know that i love you very very much. I really do, baby.

I perhaps may never forgive myself for doing this to you and i hope one day, you will understand.

Have a lovely birthday, baby. You are the best thing to have happened to me. You do not know how much i think of you every single day.

Even when others sniggered behind my back when i had you, even when gossips flew when freedom was gained, even when others tainted me with their judgement and called me names, i will always be proud of you.

Proud that you are mine. I am blessed.

Mummy loves you super lots, darling. Happy Birthday.

The X'mas dinner.

And so. I was pleasantly surprised that the whole hush hush dinner was at Fosters, a pretty good choice for steak but bad for service. Really bad service. Eeeks.

Love the ambience although a tad bit noisy for me and the live singing aint too bad, if you aren't particular about pitch and nasal voices.

Creative Decor at the side

The menu for the night

Our drinks for the night

And here comes our food...

The steak won me over toe-curling hands down. I am a red meat eater. Beef (and sashimi) to me is like the most important source of food in my food chain. To find a succinct-tasting piece of steak fitting to my royal tastebuds is hard and this one win my vote for its tenderness and juiciness.

A pity that we couldn't sit right outside where it's quieter and less crampy. But overall, a good christmas dinner and my satisfied stomach says "Ichiban!"

Hope you had a lovely X'mas dinner too! :)

Sunrise.

I love this alot from a very famous Tudor Queen Elizabeth I.

Sunrise

“I grieve, yet dare not show my discontent;

I love, and yet am forced to seem to hate;

I dote, but dare not what I ever meant;

I seem stark mute, yet inwardly do prate;

I am, and am not—freeze and yet I burn,

Since from myself my other self I turn.

My care is like my shadow in the sun—

Follows me flying—flies when I pursue it,

Stands and lives by me—does what I have done,

This too familiar care doth make me rue it.

No means I find to rid him from my breast,

Till by the end of things it be suppressed.”

Merry Queeeemas, Lovelies!

Hope.

When bad happens, it happens in bunches and clumps. So when you thought that enough was more than enough, it kicks you without warning and you stumble, wondering what's next. As if the pain it caused wasn't enough.

This week pretty much sums the above. Some of my precious ones are having their lowest in life right now. And all i can do is to provide the support they need of me, hopefully it inspires strength in them to overcome.

Sometimes, I dwell on the obstacles I had in order to protect my heart, my sanity, my freedom. I wondered at what drove me and still do not know how i have gone through it all. I still carry pain. I think some pain can never heal; not when time and time again, something or someone has been taken away from you and no matter how hard you try, reality wins.

So sweeties, this post is for you. Everyone goes through a tough time at one point or another, and i guess during those dark bleak times, you unknowingly form yourself. Strength you never knew existed, perserverance you never gotten appears, love you have taken for granted supports. Then your character drinks all these in and you create a shell. A shell which fits only you and helps you to trudge along that tiresome journey you're on.

Don't give up. No matter how painful, how alone you think you are, you have yourself to count on. Life is all but what we make of it. If we give in to these soul-sucking woes, we will lose ourselves. There is more meaning to life than counting moments to death. Some people find that meaning in God, some people find that meaning in a purpose they believe in. Whichever it is, you need it. Meaning to survive, meaning to keep yourself together.

Even right now, I am saying the above to myself, chanting it like a mantra to my soul. I yearningly wish to be back in Krabi, where beauty surrounds me and my soul heals.

Know that you can, you will, you must. You have to. Because you owe yourself that.       

Every day is a fresh beginning,

Every day is the world made new;

You who are weary of sorrow and sinning,

Here is a beautiful hope for you-

A hope for me and a hope for you.

All the past things are past and over,

The tasks are done and the tears are shed;

Yesterday’s errors let yesterday cover;

Yesterday’s wounds, which smarted and bled,

Are healed with the healing which night has shed.

Yesterday now is a part of forever,

Bound up in a sheaf, which God holds tight;

With glad days, and sad days and bad days which never

Shall visit us more with their bloom and their blight,

Their fullness of sunshine or sorrowful night.

Let them go, since we cannot relieve them,

Cannot undo and cannot atone;

God in His mercy, receive, forgive them;

Only the new days are our own,

Today is ours, and today alone.

Here are the skies all burnished brightly,

Here is the spent earth all reborn,

Here are the tired limbs springing lightly

To face the sun and to share the morn,

In the chrism of dew and the cool of dawn.

Every day is a fresh beginning;

Listen, my soul, to the glad refrain,

And, spite of old sorrow and older sinning,

And puzzles forecasted and possible pain

Take heart with the day, and begin again.

~ Susan Coolidge

My sense of Krabi.

Aye, my serious procastination problem is acting up again and yes, i finally got my lazy fingers typing now about the recent trip to Krabi.

Although i have been back for a week now, the memories there are still very much afresh in my mind. The people, the smell of Krabi, the mesmerizing nature is still etched deeply in my thoughts.

I was alittle apprehensive in the begining, wondering if it would be a commercialised, hard sell touristy kinda island.

Boy, was i so wrong.

The people there are really so friendly and we made alot of friends while there. South Africans, Brazillians, Irish, Norwegians and even the local thais who are always without a smile.

Althought there were so much more caucasians there than Chinese, we don't feel out of place at all. Because everyone there has the same purpose visiting Krabi - getting away from the demands of reality.

As i am more of a nature than shopping kinda girl, Krabi was perfect for me.

Every single day, I would look forward to its beautiful sunset. Just by watching it, I forget much.

My worries, my pains, my woes fade.

We went for a day's tour to Phi Phi Island and a few others and really, the beaches there blew me away.

I look ahead where the sea never ends and where the mountains stood majestically, I never felt so peaceful before. 

Snorkelling there was really great too, the water was clear, the fishes aplenty and the weather was perfect.

Love it, love it, love it.

We went mangroves kayaking as well and man, i would and will say it again, I would urge you to go for this if you ain't afraid of water and mozzies.

It is tiring yeah, because your un-muscular arms would have to be rowing almost the entire stretch of river. 

BUT. Just but. When you reach the desired destination, where nature abounds and surrounds you entirely, trust me, you will be so very glad that you rowed so damn hard.

There were 8 kayaks in all and when we reached the Garden Of Eden as what the locals called this little spot in the mangroves, no one spoke.

No one moved, silence speaks.

It was so beautiful that i remembered thinking to myself that, i would be so fulfilled, if i can come by here every single day, just to immerse myself in its beauty.

Sometimes, we get so caught up by the reality of this world, trying so badly to survive in this society, we fail to take a step back and just appreciate.

Appreciating what have been given to us without a price.

Krabi has really touched me deeply. It is only a pity that we didn't have time to do trekking in the mountains but i have more than enough beautiful memories to bring back home.

Travelling in such places and witnessing God's handiworks like this makes me feel living finally feels worthwhile.

I look forward to my next destination next year. I hold tightly to this sense of fulfillment i've gotten from Krabi till the next.

Wait for me, Beautiful World. This little traveller is coming.

Cherish and breathe.

I do not know if this is really the season of deaths but it is indeed proving itself to be.

For the past 3 months, people around me have encountered deaths in their families or friends and i have been attending wakes so often till it scares me to receive msgs late in the night on my phone.

Explaining something about me is always complicated but i am gonna try.

I have morbid thoughts quite often. Thoughts that needs parental guidance when spoken but i will try to assure you that i am not psychotic... *ahem*.

BUT.. I feel emotions easily as well. Emotions when it comes to death. Maybe because i knew what it was like when i was 7. That was when Papa died.

There was once I attended a funeral of a 17 year old girl. I was only 14. I didn't know her but was going there to support my friend who knew her. And man... that day i surprised myself and my friend.

I cried buckets. Literally buckets. It was as if i was the late girl's best friend.

I cried maybe because i heard the wailing of her parents when the coffin was going through the incernarator. I cried hard maybe because i remembered how it feels when i was 7 and despite being young, I never shed a tear even though he was my dad. And it was perhaps coming all out. I really don't know why i cried.

It only made me realise more and more how precious or fragile a life can be. Especially now when I have attended these wakes recently.

Everyone knows death is inevitable. It may just be me lying motionless without breath tomorow, no one knows.

All we could do as mere mortals, is to embrace life fully for what it's worth. Dance like no one is looking, sing like no one can hear you and love like you have not been hurt before.

When we learn to give thanks for the little that we already have, it gives us the more we didn't know we do have.

Forget the pettys and cherish those who matters.

You will definitely breathe alot easier. :)

A New Begining.

Okay.  Big news.

Hmm. I have gotten a new job. 

It could very well be the job whom i have been searching for all these while; one which gives me that sense of fulfillment, the meaning which i needed for my isolated life.

Going from the advertising industry to the education field is seriously a big and scary move for me. After mxing much with creative people, working in a flexible and quirky evironment for so long, i am indeed afraid of not being able to fit into the corporate society again.

But sometimes in life, we learn to take that step of faith towards the unknown, knowing that even though there's no turning back, we will never be the same person again. 

As much as there might be a flurry of excitement towards the new begining for myself, there is indeed a very deep sense of loss and sadness when i think about the people I am going to leave behind.

It leaves me entangled emotionally.

The boys at work ain't making it easier for me either. Not expecting them to take my resignation so badly, seeing their gloom and sensing the air of sadness around makes the leaving even harder.

This past week has been tough enough. Sometimes, when i chance upon past memories which we had together as friends, as colleagues, a drop of tear threatens to fall but i kept it in to remain unaffected in front of those who are affected.

But as much as i wanna hide, it does affect me alot.

Because i treasure people very much. People whom are good to me, people whom believed me for who i am, people whom i dared to let down my guard a little.

Now that the inevitabe is coming, it's as if we are cherishing every moment i have left with them. It's like spending the last days with a terminally ill patient whom we know there's no other way but to accept what's to come. We start to let the minor stuff between us fade away and we focus on the intangible. We take life lighter and enjoy the ticking moments we still have as colleagues.

I know it sounds really over the top when they are just plainly colleagues but i guess i appreciate them alot more than others because simply the fact that they accept me as I am. They were there when i was going through my lowest and gave me the comfort when i least expected it.

I will indeed miss them so much. 

But i know life has many phases. My chapter with them at this point of time has reached its end and the only way to receive the new is, to let go of the old.

I will never forget you guys. Love.

Labyrinth of me.

Tonight feels heavy. Perhaps it's the fatigue-filled air inside me, leaving me deep in thoughts, melancholic in mood.

It's ironic how i resonate with melancholic emotions, how i find it being my nest of comfort, when i do have a bubble of energy in me; i enjoy so much the learnings and curiosities of mankind, the different cultures and how the world pulsates and how each one lives its own to be at peace with themselves. I enjoy mischievous bantering with laughter and relish on the intimate humane moments when others share their life's pasts with poignancy. This bright sunny side of me really astonish me alittle at times.

But when i had indulged too much into the reality of this world, how my rose-tinted reflection of it gets tainted, how i am startled by its harshness and its glaring imperfection, my heart sings to a melancholic beat.

And needless to say, I feel this way more often than not.

Many times, there's a fear in me. I fear leading a life of waste. I need meaning in my life. I am at my happiest when I learn to be a better me, a better lover, a better mum. I seek for a deeper sense of my being living in this world and look for the complexities of people, trying to understand them. Because maybe one day through them, i will finally understand myself completely.

Since forever, there's always a gap in me which till date, no one fills perhaps except Him. Sometimes, there is this deep bottomless yearning for someone to discover this lonesome gap that keeps growing bigger like the ozone layer as days go past and it scares me that one day, I become someone whom no one understands.

I hate it when i have all these labyrinthine deep thoughts in me and it becomes like a stain in my heart, smeared with unknown questions and empty answers which i know not where to keep them except in that lonesome gap of mine.

As much as i look perfectly normal with a facade fitting into this world, the inside of me is like the hidden secret garden which no one will ever find that door to see what's beyond me. Most times, it's because i stop them from knowing. Because most times, I get hurt in the end. It takes too much out of me to try again.

This is when I find it hard to conform to this world, to its evolving realities, to its constant expectations, to its vicious cycle of normality and it drains me endlessly to be of one with things which i am not.

Sigh.

I so would be the death of me.

More than BAGS, i say!

Girlfriend: We are breaking up.
Me: Whoa. What happened??
Girlfriend: We had a big fight over his unwillingness to carry my bag.
Me: HUH??????!!!!!
Girlfriend: Yeah. JERK.

I really paused. Really read the above words again and over and again until my eyes could bleed and squirt out metallic tasting stuff.

Breaking up because of that.. that... superficial reason??

Maybe it is a catalyst which led to this. Maybe GF was just waiting for a perfect moment to dump this news to him but doesn't know how thus, this.

I really don't know.

I feel sorry for the guy. Gulp.

Breaking up over such.................... reason. 6 months down the drain like that. Or perhaps it was just her angry words. Who knows, next few days, they are back together again, sticking to each other like uhu glue and this time, i believe HE will be carrying her glittery pink Hello Kitty bag.

Okay. Personal take ya. No offense.

My guy don't have to CARRY my bag for me. Full stop.

Unless I am really sick and looking like the living dead, or I am so freaking tired that i am walking at a speed of the slowest turtle in the world then yes. Maybe i'll ask.

But other perfectly normal looking times, I can very well carry it myself, thank you very much.

Yes, i know i know, it is a really sweet gesture from a male to willingly carry your load (be it your genuine LV or your this-is-not-a-plastic-bag replica) and it makes you feel protected, safe, vulnerable.

But my arm hairs stand when i see manly guys carrying furry pink totes under their hairy armpits and...

*shakes head with gorgeous hair*

That image really doesn't seems right. At all.

And to break up with him because he doesn't wanna carry your bag?

You will be better off without my girlfriend, Mr Guy.

Go find some other girl who can appreciate your personality and for what you stand for and not live under the tyranny of some ............ interesting girls who only view relationships in a very straight forward lens.

Can you imagine having a first date with some guy and here's what might happen:

Furry Pink Tote Girl: Do you like carrying bags for your GF?
Normal Guy: *eyebrows frowing a tad bit* erm, yeah, i guess. When she needs me to, i guess.
Furry Pink Tote Girl: I see.... so you won't volunteer to carry it for her even when she doesn't need to? Like my furry pink and glittery hello kitty bag? Will you carry it for me while we go shopping at orchard?
Normal Guy: *SCREAMING HELP INTERNALLY* i think erm.. i need to go to the bathroom. Emergency.

----

Sweeties, i am not finger pointing ya. Your guy is happy carrying your bag for you, then *YAY, Thank God for such a lovely guy*. But if he doesn't, then Please. In the name of all bagmakers and your own sanity and boobs, don't use it as a reason to break up with him.

Relationships are meant to be more than bags, isn't it??

Especially telling you, my dearest Girlfriend!!!

Just me.

Deep within the soul crackles

with a sound of unseen pain.

In the still of the shambles

its fragments leaves it hollow

its wall encrusted with bitter cold.

When once more can it beat

to the rhythm of splendid bliss

where hideous woes and simple life need not touch

where the lightness of pure dawn shines

like a sword in its highest glory?

Filled with gust a distant past

Where it lingers and once soared

In the very heart it only loves.

Running to the safe world unexist

Feeling the willowy wind of freedom

stripping all but its core

the very core which deeply cries

I am all

 but just me.

The Merry-go-round.

Am sick. Full blown Gastroenteritis (Gastric flu larr).

I hardly get sick. But when I do, it is in the deathbed mode where you see me clinging on to my flimsy shredded life and looking like ghost from the past.

Gives me the shrudder knowing how really fragile life is.

Even now while typing, my fingers are doing the drug addict trembles, my world seems to be constantly on a merry-go-round and running to the toilet in 5secs flat and kneeling down in front of my beloved toilet bowl puking is my latest sport. I might get really strong and muscular knees by the time i get well.

Pardon me my dry and wry humour; I am usually like this when i am really sick or really stressed.

Or perhaps, I am  like this all the time. Just that my close ones prefer to hide it from me lest I get proud and indulge in it even more. Ha.

Recently, there's a whole lot of buzzing activity in my mind. Work has been less than fulfilling (regardless who's reading, i am still saying it) and i can't see myself spending my youth (not much left anyway) away, struggling to live as a human till i die and disintegrate into ashes while slogging with no sense of being, no sense of contentment.

I seek a deeper satisfaction in pursuit of being alive more rewarding. I need more than living for the next month end for my paycheck, more than decking myself in the latest fashion so that i get admiration wherever i go.

Life has to be more than these superficialities. It has got to be.

I am indeed afraid to die.

I am not afraid of its pain; i find sometimes, bodily pain can be a distraction itself than the real deep pain that sometimes our heart carries and no one knows except our burdened souls.

But i am afraid of death because it will take away my chance to experience, to explore, to expect.

There's no escape from this grim reality of life's phase and be it now or ten years' time, everyone has to prepare for this finality to come one day.

Maybe being sick makes me more aware of time slipping away like a thief in the night, being weak makes me more aware of how much more, I yearn to be at a mountain top right now at this moment, having the winter wind caressing my face and down below, admiring God's handiwork and the wonderful landscape He has created so jaw-droppingly.

Moments like these might just be enough. Enough to be rewardingly alive. 

Are you really, who you are?

Lately, it seems like many of my gal pals are going through a rough patch in relationships.

And all of a sudden, I became the Love Guru. haha.

I am not an expert in relationships. The irony of it is that i am so bad at it that my experience from my mistakes makes me understand what my gal pals are going through right now.

Believe it or not, I even have acquaintances hailing all the way from Mainland, asking me if she should own up to her feelings to this boy whom she has been harbouring a crush on and another asking if she should go visit this boyfriend of hers in another city even though they are on the verge on breaking up.

Really. Almost everyday, people tell me mostly about their relationship problems and I'll just listen them out and give them my own life's wise words to ponder upon. I get calls in wee mornings, flooded emails and my msn window is constantly open. I have been asked many times to have an alternative email or blog to hear their woes about Love and the opposite sex.

Maybe I am just easy to talk to, that's all.

Sometimes, i really have to laugh and say, i am just an ordinary girl who don't really know better, honestly. All i know is, never ever change yourself for someone else because in the end, this person isn't gonna love you for whom you really are but what he or she thought you to be.

Many of them, as they share with me, change themselves into this mould of being the perfect One, hoping that this will hook the guy for infinity. Dressing differently, speaking girlishly, looking intellectually. I say, sweeties, it ain't gonna work. I have been there, done that, failed horribly and have learnt the hard way out.

My heart goes all out to the girl who forsake herself just for a guy. It is indeed misleading the guy which when crunch time comes, you can't really blame him for being resentful at you when your real self emerge. 

I say, if he can't accept you being the doofus you sometimes are, if he can't accept your honest mistakes from the past, if he can't embrace your uniqueness and your individuality, then don't make excuses for him and just get out of there. 

Always, always believe in your self worth. Reserve some dignity for yourself. You will enjoy life much much more.

Trust me. :)

Love me the INFJ/P way.

I have always been curious about myself. To me, having to understand oneself enough is a step closer to reaching higher heights in life. Many times, i misunderstood myself. Not knowing what exactly makes me the person i am and why.

Till i did the Myer-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

It completely changed my life. Really, really.

If you think that it's another one of those lamey personality tests like you see in Facebook or those astrology tests which they will predict your characteristics in general and tell you whom you should spend the rest of your life with and live happily ever after (no such thing), you are indeed wrong.

It is a psychologically based test created by a daugther and mother team; Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother Katharine Cook Briggs; and using a very well known psychatrist's (Carl Gustav Jung) psychological findings about people's behaviour, they came up with this Type Indicator to help people identify their strengths and personality preferences. 

Some people have to think aloud so as to reach a decision. Some prefer to reflect their thoughts in solitude so as to reach a decision. Some people can see the big picture easily and enjoy exploring countless possiblities for an idea. Some look into details of an objective and are more realistic towards reaching their goal. Some see it as half-filled, some says half-empty.

So we are all different in deciding, feeling, understanding, planning our lives. And MBTI helps you to find out what, why and how you have been living your life thus far.

As for me, I am an INFJ/P.

I am introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling and sometimes rely on being Judging or Perceiving. It doesn't mean that my personality is being boxed up within these 4 letters. It is just like us having two hands but some of us prefer using our right hand for most things and some preferring the left. And so, it's the same with our personalities.

Here's what being an INFJ is:

Says David Keirsey:

"Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them. 


Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena."



Says PersonalityPage:


"INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk."


And here's what being an INF(P) is:

Says Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow:

" INFPs focus deeply on their values, and they devote their lives to pursuing the ideal. They often draw people together around a common purpose and work to find a place for each person within the group. They are creative, and they seek new ideas and possibilities. They quietly push for what is important to them, and they rarely give up. While they have a gentleness about them and a delightful sense of humor, they may be somewhat difficult to get to know and may be overlooked by others. They are at their best making their world more in line with their internal vision of perfection."

Says David Keirsey:

"INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant. They have a capacity for caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a cause.

One word that captures this type is idealistic. At times, this characteristic leaves them feeling isolated, especially since INFPs are found in only 1 percent of the general population. INFPs have a profound sense of honor derived from internal values. The INFP is the Prince or Princess of mythology, the King's Champion, Defender of the Faith, and guardian of the castle. Sir Galahad and Joan of Arc are male and female prototypes of an INFP. To understand INFPs their cause must be understood, for they are willing to make unusual sacrifices for someone or something believed in."


So. I am a mixture of both. Actually INFJs are very much like INFPs, the only difference i think is that while INFJs would prefer to work within deadlines, have things planned out, INFPs are more flexible, preferring to keep their options open.

My J/P preference borders on 50-50% so sometimes i do want to work on a proper planned schedule (esp at work) and other times, i have no qualms doing things spontaneously.

Suits me perfectly, eh. *winks*

I am so super duper grateful that i did the test, really. (Kudos to Fabo for introducing it to me) Because now i know i am not a misfit, i am actually normal even though i like doing things differently from most people. :) Like how i enjoy being with people I adore but i enjoy solitude alot too. Like how i understand people's problems easily and can counsel promptly but yet i have a very complex character and deep thoughts that i scare myself. Haha. And like how i look very much like an outgoing hardcore clubber, but the only places you will ever see me being hardcore at is the library, the museums and my bedroom. *I haven't even been to the ION yet!*

But of course, each of us are undeniably unique, no matter our preferences. Who can match God's creativity anyway? :)

Those who are close to me have been seriously persuaded by me to do the test and it has helped them in their relationships, in their workplaces and in themselves. Try it, if you have yet to. You won't regret it, trust me. :D

And if you turn out to be a local INFJ or INFP, LET ME KNOW!!! I have been looking around for a fellow singaporean INFJ/P for eons. (There's so little of us!!)

So far, I get along really fabulously well with NFers. I mean, i get along well with others too, but with NFers, there's this... innate understanding between us that it's so intangible, we connect totally instantly. This is really true, cross my heart. If you talk about chemistry, i can totally find it in another NFer. The kind of crappy jokes only we understand, our imagination going wild together and our conversation going on for hours. And hours...........

*yawn*

Oookie, i would need to go to sleep the INFP way and go home to my fantasy land of fairies, pootsies and samurai princesses.

Nites Humans!

Bliss.

I just found out something - I could be a closet neat freak after all.

I have spent the entire day today cleaning every corner of my room, tidying up my bills and re-organising bits of my personal stuff and you know what?

I actually feel really really good. I kinda like this feeling, haha.

I am already neat, by the way. Just that at times, I think i can get kinda anal and relish on getting everything sorted out even more neatly. It gives me this lofty floaty feeling when i accomplish these boring chores.

I feel complete. I don't very much think that you need to worry about me being an OCD patient but i like to de-clutter often. Get rid of some disposable baggage in my life. Filter out the unwanted clingy stuff. And what remains, is good, wholesome and light.

I'll be able to begin life again with more to expect. More room for new experiences, new challenges.

Sounds like bliss to me. :)

Flurry of excitement.

Gee.  My first post.

I have always wanted a blog which i can nonsensitate about anything and everything in the world AND feel downright good about it.

Haha. I am definitely excited. I hope this blog will finally get me out of my professional procrastinator mood and hone my barely-there writing skills. I always have loads and loads to write about. Always.

The only problem is, when it comes down to finally putting it down in words and not just thoughts, my brain goes into freeze mode and then, *kaput* - nothingness. I will forget what i wanna pen down, what i was so enthusiastically thinking about, when my train of thoughts were in super bullet speed mode and when i thought i had already stored it all in my brain's hard drive, i realised i had forgotten to press 'save'.

This happens to me ALL THE TIME. When i finally have the moment to write, I then will find the lack of words, the lagging emotions behind those thoughts which seemed so far far far rr rrr rrr away now and... i give up writing. blogging. putting them into simple ABCs.

SO yes. I am spurring myself again, re-starting my inner engine. I want to write. I need to write to stay sane.

I must W.R.I.T.E.